I’m miserable right now. To sum it up, I have a major back injury that flares up every night and it makes it virtually impossible to sleep. For more than three weeks now, I have averaged 2 to 3 hours of sleep each night and no amount of pain meds, sleep meds, changes of sleep positions can change that. And here is what I’ve learned. Insomnia makes my fuses shorter, my emotions more erratic, my daily tasks more difficult, and my disappointment more hopeless.
This is not the hardest thing I’ll ever go through, it just feels like it at 3 am when I’m alone, in pain, and exhausted. However, I know quite a few people who are very honestly dealing with some of the hardest things they will ever go through in life. The ache in my heart for you all leads me to share this song that has been my anthem the last few months.
It is called “My Hope is in You, LORD” by Aaron Schust. Here are the lyrics and the video.
I meet with You and my soul sings out
As your word throws doubt far away
I sing to You and my heart cries
Holy!
Hallelujah
Father, You're near!
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord
I wait for You and my soul finds rest
In my selfishness, You show me grace
I worship You and my heart cries Glory
Hallelujah
Father You're here!
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord
I will wait on You
You are my refuge
I will wait on You
You are my refuge
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
My hope is in You, Lord
All the day long
I won't be shaken by drought or storm
A peace that passes understanding is my song
And I sing
My hope is in You, Lord
My hope is in You, Lord
Yeah
My hope is in You, Lord
This has made me think of all the things I put my hope in, rather than in my sovereign, unconditionally loving God. Here is my list: I’m sure you could add a couple yourself.
My hope is not in the amount of sleep I get. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in whether my children listen to what I say. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in my health or my physical wellness. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in my husband—or his ability to love me how I want to be loved. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in how my children “turn out.” My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in any retirement plans or pipe dreams. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in whether we ever bring a little girl home from Ethiopia. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in what career I choose. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in what impact I will or will not make during my time on Earth. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in how clean my house is. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in my friends’ unconditional love and presence. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in the amount of time me or my loved ones have left before death. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in the security of my neighborhood, town, or country. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in the reconciling of a lost relationship. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in losing weight. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in getting granite countertops. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in “keeping up with the Jones’”, so to speak. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in our government or our president. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in what you can do for me or the blessing you are able to bestow. My hope is in You, Lord.
My hope is not in me, to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, woman. My hope is in You, Lord.
