“I used to have my name on a business card,” I said to my husband as I held my cherished, long-awaited son. My whole life I wanted to be a stay at home mom. It was the reason I didn’t become a pediatrician. It was the reason I studied Child Development and Family Studies in college and grad school. Now, only five months into my son’s life, and I couldn’t understand why I was so discontent with my station in life.
My first year at home was difficult. I was a big personality trapped in a 2100 square foot ranch and every day I would sit with my baby and my dog and we would wait for my husband to come home from work. It wasn’t until I met up with my former boss when William was 13 months old that things changed. She told me that I was exactly where I needed to be and to enjoy it. After that I felt like I had hit the jackpot. William and I spent a summer going everywhere and doing everything together and I loved it. I also got involved with ministry again and started attending bible studies. I was content.
A few months ago, after staying home for 7 years, the discontentment returned. Around me I noticed that my fellow homemakers all had something they enjoyed doing. They are part-time physical therapists, photographers, fitness instructors, writers, inventors, and deeply involved in various ministries. And I’ve become envious.
I’m not envious about their specific callings. I’m envious because my friends know how the Lord intends to use them in their life, or at least for this phase of life. And their ministry extends beyond the walls of their home.
This past Wednesday, I sat with the ladies in my small group and explained all this to them. With their wisdom, I realized that even though I have an idea what the Lord is calling me to, he has also made it clear that it is not the right time for that vision to be fulfilled. I know that I am exactly where God wants me to be at this stage in my life. Right now my sons need me to teach them how to be men that can stand up and face this culture with faith, integrity, and passion. Right now, my husband needs me to be exactly who I am, exactly where I am, so he can be who he is.
So I sat in my home office Wednesday night, fully content once again.
Then I heard my oldest come downstairs. “Mommy, I don’t feel good.” What followed was 18 hours with three miserable kids, a stomach flu, and no sleep. And as I changed my vomit-covered clothes for the third time, scrubbed the toilet and floors repeatedly, and comforted my children the way only a mommy can, I told myself, “This is EXACTLY where God wants me to be.”
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11