“I used to have my name on a business card,” I said to my
husband as I held my cherished, long-awaited son. My whole life I wanted to be
a stay at home mom. It was the reason I didn’t become a pediatrician. It was
the reason I studied Child Development and Family Studies in college and grad
school. Now, only five months into my son’s life, and I couldn’t understand why
I was so discontent with my station in life.
My first year at home was difficult. I was a big personality
trapped in a 2100 square foot ranch and every day I would sit with my baby and
my dog and we would wait for my husband to come home from work. It wasn’t until I met up with my former boss
when William was 13 months old that things changed. She told me that I was
exactly where I needed to be and to enjoy it.
After that I felt like I had hit the jackpot. William and I spent a
summer going everywhere and doing everything together and I loved it. I also got
involved with ministry again and started attending bible studies. I was content.
A few months ago, after staying home for 7 years, the
discontentment returned. Around me I
noticed that my fellow homemakers all had something they enjoyed doing. They
are part-time physical therapists, photographers, fitness instructors, writers,
inventors, and deeply involved in various ministries. And I’ve become envious.
I’m not envious about their specific callings. I’m envious
because my friends know how the Lord intends to use them in their life, or at
least for this phase of life. And their ministry extends beyond the walls of
their home.
This past Wednesday, I sat with the ladies in my small group
and explained all this to them. With their wisdom, I realized that even though I
have an idea what the Lord is calling me to, he has also made it clear that it
is not the right time for that vision to be fulfilled. I know that I am exactly
where God wants me to be at this stage in my life. Right now my sons need me to
teach them how to be men that can stand up and face this culture with faith,
integrity, and passion. Right now, my husband needs me to be exactly who I am,
exactly where I am, so he can be who he is.
So I sat in my home office Wednesday night, fully content
once again.
Then I heard my oldest come downstairs. “Mommy, I don’t feel
good.” What followed was 18 hours with three miserable kids, a stomach flu, and
no sleep. And as I changed my vomit-covered clothes for the third time,
scrubbed the toilet and floors repeatedly, and comforted my children the way
only a mommy can, I told myself, “This
is EXACTLY where God wants me to be.”
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
–Jeremiah 29:11
Very, very good post, very inspiring, and very calming mashallah. Sometimes, I feel this too, that maybe I'm missing something out there while mothering my children but then I look up and see what is going and I realize Allah (God) knows and has placed me where I am because its good for me and will benefit me the most.
ReplyDeleteReally liked it:)
Yes, exactly. This time is good for me, and it is good for God's kingdom, even if I don't always feel that!
DeleteIts very tough to know what to do with our limited time on Earth isn't it! You read my blog, so you know I am going crazy too with my next chapter. I wish you would have found MOPS your year here with William but now you know how important a circle of women is and I'm glad you've found great support now!
ReplyDeleteCarol, I love that you have found a way to start pursuing your dream while staying at home with your kids (and your husband)!
DeleteHave we been living the same life these past few days? ie - three barfing kiddos. Honestly I'm waiting for my turn to throw up now - I think I'll feel better when I do. until then I'm just sitting here at the computer tonight with a huge pile of clean laundry on the floor checking in with you. This post made me think of one of my favorite verses Habakkuk 2:3
ReplyDeleteThis vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
Blessings upon you as your serve your family and wait. Ha! I guess that's waiting on them and waiting on the Lord.
Wendy, I love that Habakkuk verse. i don't think I have ever read that. I read your recent blog post and I was sad to hear that you did end up getting sick! I hope everyone is on the mend!
DeleteI like this post, because you're finding contentment right where you are. I've only been a stay-at-home mom for a year now, and the first few months were tough even though I've wanted to stay home for as long as I can remember. I'm glad you've found contentment once again...so far in the one year I've stayed home, I've learned that it is like an outside job that can get boring or tedious at times, but everything depends on my attitude. Serving our families is the biggest and most important calling God had for us, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYes, Jessica I agree that it is the most important calling! Its nice to know that others have struggled with similar issues and I'm not alone.
DeleteJanine - it goes by SO fast - enjoy it while you can. As the mother of a 20 year old, an 18 year old and a 21 month old, I am finally able to stay home with my littlest one and am enjoying every single minute of it. I am content and so thankful for the blessing of my daughter after so many years and the joy of being a work-at-home mom. Thank you for the timely post!
ReplyDelete